video; un: lux

[dealwiththe]

[ Ah look, a new, and very handsome, face on the network! Enjoy your first look at Lucifer, residents of Navi. You're welcome.

He looks about forty, and sounds British, though he is of course neither. His smile, while wide and brilliant and charming, doesn't quite reach his eyes, which can best be described as "sad puppy dog brown". He's very well-dressed, though there might be a drop of blood or two on the otherwise-pristine collar of his white dress shirt - from a cut that's healing nicely on his temple. ]

Right, introductions are in order, I think. I'm Lucifer - Morningstar, yes, that one. Ruler of Hell, Satan, Beelzebub, all of that, but probably not the Devil you know. I'd rather keep the murder attempts at a minimum, they're very annoying. I don't lie, I don't kill, and I don't eat babies - that was a joke, I had no idea Dante would take me literally on that one. Milton got a little closer to the truth but the metaphors are always way off!

[ He sighs, shrugs, and pulls out a flask, taking a swig from it, then scowling at it for a moment. ]

Right, so, ask away, everyone always has questions, but I have a few as well. I don't suppose anyone has any decent liquor on board?

[ He tips the flask, and nothing comes out. He's empty. SAD TROMBONE. ]

And can we make requests? Perhaps we can try to stop off at a planet with a halfway decent piano bar next. It's been ages since I've seen the inside of one that wasn't a Hell loop.

Comments

audio; un: panoptes

[sisterswitch]

Well, you can always ask Navi, but you might need to explain what a piano bar is. It’s not like they’ve ever gone out for drinks.

ETERNALLY VIDEO HOW DARE U NOT SHOW HIM UR FACE

[dealwiththe]

Get me a Steinway and a few bottles of whiskey and I'll show them. The observation room might be a good spot, it just needs a bit of mood lighting.

[sisterswitch]

Oh, I’d fund it. Do you know anything by The Clash? Maybe a little Bad Religion?

[she’d show her face if requested! it’s just more in her nature to stick to the shadows and out of sight, being a literal monster without a human soul.]

I’m Jack, by the way. And before you hear it from anyone else - yes, I’m a witch, but no, not one of your people. I’m an atheist. You can ask Murmur - have you met Murmur?

[dealwiththe]

I sincerely doubt I’ll need help with funding, [ Even lacking access to his considerable bank accounts, he can certainly charm his way into just about anything he wants ] but I’m more than happy to take requests for my first set whenever I get my hands on a decent instrument. And you seem to have good taste.

[ There’s that beautiful, charming smile again. ]

And thank Dad for small favors, I suppose. I don’t have people, all those so-called Satanists who don’t have any dress sense and get pentagrams tattooed all over themselves certainly don’t have anything to do with me.

But I have met Murmur, he’s a delight. Mean right hook. Also thought the most fun thing I could do in church is argue with the priest. [ Mur might be responsible for that injury!!! ]

audio | un: dasilva

[ungodlily]

...you didn't think Dante would take you literally? Have you seen humanity? They're pretty good at taking anything literally.

Always video you people and your audio only!!!

[dealwiththe]

They’re unpredictable. I mean, there’s the snake and the apple which is hilariously inaccurate even as a metaphor, and then there’s “oh Lucifer likes to eat babies!”

I despise children, for the record. Prefer to keep them as far away from my person as possible.

[ungodlily]

[ That makes her snort quietly, a half chuckle. Sharon's not a big fan of children herself and cannot blame him in the slightest. ]

Luckily, I don't think you're gonna have to worry about being around little kids here. But given that you're the bad guy to... however many people do the whole bible thing, I'm sure they think you do worse things than just eating babies.

UN: hidden | audio (distorted)

[bilocates]

[One more to add to the pile of those who refuse to show their faces. This one sounds just shy of distorted, at that.

He's not really sure what to make of this person. Or if he even should call attention to himself at all but he's just so... ostentatious. How can you not?]

There's wine in a box in the kitchen.

[Somehow he's certain that is the opposite of what this man is looking for. So certain, that Simon just really needs to see how he'll respond.]

[dealwiththe]

[ Lucifer would be inclined to make some comment about all these weirdly secretive and paranoid humans but then this one says that. Oh, hell no. ]

Do I look like the sort of devil who would drink wine... out of a box?

[ He looks both disgusted and slightly contemptuous. ]

[bilocates]

[Everyone is weird and shy here.]

A can, then?

[Now he's definitely just messing with him.]

video: bellsareme

[relance]

Well, I guess it's depending on what you consider decent liquor? But I've got a fair amount of it and space weed from the last planet we landed on, and it even works for me.

[dealwiththe]

[ Hello! A video reply, from a beautiful woman offering him booze and weed???? His face lights up like it’s Christmas. ]

Are you Julia? You might’ve just made my day significantly better! I’ve never met an illicit substance I didn’t like.

[ He reaches into his jacket again momentarily, and emerges with one of those pill organizers intended for people with lots of prescription medications.

These are not prescriptions. ]

I may have a humble contribution of my own, albeit a limited supply.

[relance]

[She just laughs, she can't help it.]

The one and only. And hmmm.

[Her eyes work over the pills, and she has no idea what most are.

That's not a deterrent.]

Do they work for you?

Video | UN: presage

[albatrossomen]

[Hey at least one isn't too shy to show his face in return! Especially since they've already been introduced. He's already healed up his cuts and scrapes.]

A shame you missed out on our last stop. It was a space station specializing in every form of ostentatious entertainment one could imagine. The entire thing was a constant reality television show. Not exactly up my alley but I believe you'd have enjoyed yourself immensely.

That said, you still have a little [He gestured to his own temple to indicate the cut one on Lucifer.] something going on there. Do you require assistance patching that up?

[dealwiththe]

What, this? [ He touches his temple, then waves it off dismissively. ] It’ll be fine in a few more hours.

But really, this place is in dire need of entertainment. There are more enjoyable Hell loops that I’ve dropped into.

[albatrossomen]

Very good. [He won't press the issue.]

Most astute, I have attempted to assist by beginning to set up something of a community entertainment room but I am afraid I'm underqualified for the task of understanding what humans do to keep themselves sane. Evidently reading for several millennia isn't typically on their average bucket list. Who knew?

Video: alexreagan

[11calls]

[W e l p. This isn't what she expected. So she just asks quickly:]

Really?

Uh didn't happen to make an acoustic back door into heaven when you fell, did you?

[dealwiththe]

[ Yay, more not-shy people! ]

I wouldn’t know. The heavenly choir certainly is hurting since I’ve been gone, though.

[11calls]

[Oh no, you're charming. Why are you charming?! And why are you mysterious and have a good voice?!]

I mean, I would think that you would have known if you'd like made a tear in the fabric of reality or something.

Video |

[imarealistnotacynic]

[Richard is dressed nicely enough, but a day's worth of a drinking bender will leave anyone yellow eyed and looking worse for wear. Then this. The devil. Supposedly. Only maybe not.

He can do this. Sure. He can do this and bring it up and if there's an actual angel...]

Piano bar? No fiddle at the crossroads?

[dealwiththe]

[ Y e p. Lucifer knows the look of a man who's been on a bender. He clucks his tongue lightly. ]

There's an elegance to the piano that I've always admired. I've never been down to Georgia, either.

[imarealistnotacynic]

pity.

[Lucifer.]

I am something of a mythological scholar. I...I confess I am impressed.

audio; un: Begonia

[watchfulbalance]

[Out of all that, Begonia only recognizes the word Hell and even then it's kinda weird that it's singular. But hey, someone who also likes a drink can't be all bad? Maybe?

Okay she's just really bored and tired of being confused at this point.]

Haven't found a decent drink so far.

And, ah, are there not seven hells?

[dealwiththe]

No, no. Not unless you're from Westeros. Are you?

[ Because that would be cool. ]

There aren't nine either, another silly thing Dante did because numerology or something. No, there is simultaneously only one Hell, and also countless Hells. Only one, because it's all one realm, ruled by yours truly, but countless Hells because every human soul down there gets their very own, custom Hell loop, tailored purely for their eternal torment. Schrodinger's Hell, if you will.

[watchfulbalance]

'fraid Westeros ain't familiar to me, ser. I hail from Eorzea. I never thought different worlds were a possibility before today. That hell also exists where you're from is strange indeed.

[She's very out of her depth here. It's a little distressing.

... Wait a minute.]

Are you a god?