video; un: lux

[dealwiththe]

[ Ah look, a new, and very handsome, face on the network! Enjoy your first look at Lucifer, residents of Navi. You're welcome.

He looks about forty, and sounds British, though he is of course neither. His smile, while wide and brilliant and charming, doesn't quite reach his eyes, which can best be described as "sad puppy dog brown". He's very well-dressed, though there might be a drop of blood or two on the otherwise-pristine collar of his white dress shirt - from a cut that's healing nicely on his temple. ]

Right, introductions are in order, I think. I'm Lucifer - Morningstar, yes, that one. Ruler of Hell, Satan, Beelzebub, all of that, but probably not the Devil you know. I'd rather keep the murder attempts at a minimum, they're very annoying. I don't lie, I don't kill, and I don't eat babies - that was a joke, I had no idea Dante would take me literally on that one. Milton got a little closer to the truth but the metaphors are always way off!

[ He sighs, shrugs, and pulls out a flask, taking a swig from it, then scowling at it for a moment. ]

Right, so, ask away, everyone always has questions, but I have a few as well. I don't suppose anyone has any decent liquor on board?

[ He tips the flask, and nothing comes out. He's empty. SAD TROMBONE. ]

And can we make requests? Perhaps we can try to stop off at a planet with a halfway decent piano bar next. It's been ages since I've seen the inside of one that wasn't a Hell loop.

Comments

[dealwiththe]

[ Yay, more not-shy people! ]

I wouldn’t know. The heavenly choir certainly is hurting since I’ve been gone, though.

[11calls]

[Oh no, you're charming. Why are you charming?! And why are you mysterious and have a good voice?!]

I mean, I would think that you would have known if you'd like made a tear in the fabric of reality or something.

[dealwiththe]

[ You're welcome. ]

Yes, those are quite difficult to do, and they're pretty obvious when you do them.

[ He says that as someone who has, in fact, torn the fabric of reality before. ]

[11calls]

Really? How obvious are we talking?

[dealwiththe]

Flaming Sword, lots of bright light, pretty dramatic stuff.

Don't worry, it closed back up again. I had very good reasons for doing it!

[11calls]

Why did you do it?

[dealwiththe]

For my Mother. I gave Her Her own universe.

[ You know, as you do. ]

[11calls]

Wait. You can give someone their own universe?

[dealwiththe]

My Mother, yes! It was quite clever of me, all things considered. She would've blown up if she'd stayed on Earth, started a bloody war if she'd tried to get back to Heaven, and I certainly wasn't going to condemn her to Hell again.

[ So, you know. Option "none of the above". With a flaming sword. What a good son. ]

[11calls]

Huh.

[Alex considers that for a moment, and she realizes that the bible definitely left out the fact that angels had a mother and all of that but they definitely had to come from somewhere.]

Why couldn't she go back up to heaven?

[dealwiththe]

Dad kicked Her out, millennia ago. Much like He did me, as a matter of fact. If She ever tried to go back to Heaven, it wouldn't end well for a lot of celestials. Possibly humans, too. Hard to say, really, but not worth the risk.

[ Not when he cares - about his Mother, and about a number of humans. ]

[11calls]

Why did your father kick her out?

[Is Alex definitely not using 'God' here? Yep, she's not using it on purpose because that's still a bit of a lot and while she likes Lucifer if she has to put it in context of that, her brain might break a little considering all the demonic stuff she's always dealing with.]

[dealwiththe]

Well, I couldn't tell you exactly what the last straw was, I'd already earned my own permaban at that point. But why does any marriage fall apart? Emotional neglect, jealousy, the occasional plague of frogs to mess with Dad's new favorite hobby?

[ SHRUG. ]

[11calls]

Wow, that's definitely way more human than I would have thought. In some ways I guess that makes sense.

[dealwiththe]

I mean, even the Bible got that one right - God made everyone in His image. I've always assumed myself and my siblings were the prototype, humans the second iteration. My siblings mostly just think they're superior. Egotistical bastards.

[ Lucifer's one to talk about ego. ]

[11calls]

Huh. Guess there's not so much of that heavenly host actually giving a damn about humans, huh?

[dealwiththe]

[ That gets a derisive snort. ]

No. Most of them practice non-intervention, taking after my Father. Probably for the best, they're insufferable. Gabriel was always the worst tattle-tale. And don't even get me started on Castiel's singing. Then there was Zadkiel - never mind.

[ Unlike himself, of course, who is charming and wonderful! ]

[11calls]

That's what Murmur said, that you actually had to ask directly for help from the angels, that they couldn't intervene or offer or whatever. Which really kinda sucks when demons definitely don't need to do that.

Demons from my world, I mean. Not yours.

[dealwiththe]

Yes, my demons know the consequences of interfering with living humans. Quite intimately.

[ His tone suggests he's had to show them, personally. But then he sighs, and shakes his head. ]

Which is why I really shouldn't be here, all things considered. They could be getting up to all sorts of mischief in my absence. My brother can't step in for me anymore, he's got fatherhood to deal with these days.

[11calls]

[Alex laughs softly, and what she says is a bad joke, but only barely.]

Too bad I couldn't borrow you to come to my world and to the same.

[Her life would be a hell of a lot easier. But and then because Alex is always going to ask questions because she doesn't know how not too:]

Someone else can guard heaven for you?

[dealwiththe]

[ He smiles faintly. Almost bitterly. ]

Only a celestial can rule Hell. An angel. The job was dropped on my shoulders for millennia, though Amenadiel stepped in for a bit when I first abdicated. But none of our other siblings would set foot down there, it's, you know, beneath them. And without a ruler, well.

Demons can get quite rowdy, and not in the fun way.

[11calls]

Jesus that's terrible. I'm sorry.

[Alex means it! Both of it!]

[dealwiththe]

Sorry? Well, that's new.

[ He's not used to getting sympathy for his situation. ]

But you're right. It is terrible. I mean - I thought I'd left it behind for good. I started a new life! Had a job I liked - friends, even a -

[ A chance at love. Hmph. ]

But I had to go back. They couldn't be ignored or contained any longer.

[11calls]

[Alex can read that unspoken sentence that he'd left hanging and her sympathy intensifies. But she does try and offer a bit of hope:]

Sometimes they pull people from your world after you've been here for a bit. It's what happened with people from back home for me. Maybe they'll show up here? Possibly?

[It doesn't escape Alex's notice how close that was to a different speech that she'd given before.]

[dealwiththe]

[ Lucifer shrugs faintly and smiles again. ]

Oh, there's already someone here from my world. And future, apparently. From what I understand, I do have things to look forward to, though I don't know exactly how.

Bonus, this place is slightly better than Hell.