network } audio; un: panoptes

[sisterswitch]

Hey, everyone - Jack here. Or, I guess some of you might know me as “that evil lying bitch from Dualis who only cares about herself.”

[ahem, that’d be jane. not that jack’s still holding a grudge or anything.]

Anyway, the important thing here is that Navi asked me to pass on a message to the group, which is that they’ve picked up on a passenger who is in a great deal of distress but too far away to get a clear link of communication. In other words, one of our merry little band is missing and having an aggressively bad time way out in the woods.

So, consider this a roll call. Time is meaningless out here in the void, so nobody knows if it’s 10 o’clock, but do you know where your partner is? Who’s missing, and who wants to go rescue them from the big bad scary possibly haunted forest?

Comments

[betterhavemammoney]

You know, he's got hair and stuff, is about this tall? [He holds his hand up to approximately Shaun's height, thoughtlessly showing off the glyph on it.]

He's okay for a human. D'ya know where he is?

[sisterswitch]

Sweetie, most humans have hair. That's not as helpful as you think it is. But it looks like you found him after all?

[based on the conversation below.]

Have you considered maybe getting a leash?

[betterhavemammoney]

...Are you tryin' to flirt with me?

'cause if you are, ya got the wrong demon. Sorry.

[sisterswitch]

[please stand by, jack's gonna have herself a good, riotous laugh over that.]

While I'm sure some girls would say you're quite a catch, I regret to inform you that I bat for the other team.

[so that's a no.]

[betterhavemammoney]

...You're into angels? [He's never really thought of men and women as "teams," so.]

That, uh -- that ain't gonna work out too well for ya.

[sisterswitch]

[there’s gonna be a pause here while jack laughs even harder and loops murmur in. because w o w.]

Sweet summer child, [she finally responds, fighting a resurgence of giggles,] I’m gay. That means I like girls.

[betterhavemammoney]

I told ya I'm not a kid! I'm old! Like WAY older than you are!

Wait, did you think I was a girl?

[albatrossomen]

[Initially Murmur was slightly horrified at the subject matter, now he's laughing as well. Oh, Mammon, why.]

You appear to be struggling to keep up. Are you quite alright, Mammon?

[betterhavemammoney]

Hey, I'm not the one who brought the kinky stuff up!

[albatrossomen]

You do realize leashes are not necessarily intended for those purposes, right? In fact, that is not even the intent behind their design.

[betterhavemammoney]

What else would it be for? There's no dogs here!

[albatrossomen]

...Oh. You really are an idiot.

How disappointing.

[betterhavemammoney]

How am I the idiot, huh?! If there ain't a dog, then a leash is kinky!

[albatrossomen]

Jack has explained it to you. If you continue to be unable to comprehend I am afraid there is no help for you.

[betterhavemammoney]

Seriously? You're just lookin' for an excuse to be mean now.

[albatrossomen]

You haven't made it particularly difficult. I see we're deflecting now. It's unfortunate your observational skills are so lacking.

Nevertheless, perhaps you should focus on something other than your wounded pride for the time being.

[betterhavemammoney]

You don't get to tell me what to do! I bet anythin' that I outrank ya!

[albatrossomen]

It was a suggestion, not an order.

And while I do not concede one way or another to your assertion, I fail to see how that point holds any merit whatsoever. Particularly considering we are of distinctly opposing factions.

[betterhavemammoney]

It means I don't need suggestions from an angel!

[sisterswitch]

Some parents choose to use a special harness and leash to keep their unruly children from wandering off.

[obviously.]

And since I apparently need to spell this out for you - I'm not flirting with you, I don't think you're a girl, and I am not in any way romantically interested in you.

[betterhavemammoney]

[Not super obvious to someone who spends precisely no time around children, as they don't have a large presence in the Devildom.] Not my thing. AND I got no kids so why would I need that?

Then why were ya flirting with me?

[sisterswitch]

In case you missed it, Jon Snow, your partner is a child. You know, it really kills the joke if I have to explain it to you like you’re five.

[she could get irritated about his insistence that she’s flirting with him - but why be annoyed when she could be a troll instead?]

I just wanted to confuse you. Looks like it’s working, huh? And it didn’t even take much.

[betterhavemammoney]

Shaun's just like that. [He hasn't looked too closely at the human on the video, who is still recognizably Shaun to him.] And I'm not a papa, don't even joke about it.

[Mammon is the most amazing and handsome! At least, he chooses to keep believing that, and thus Jack's perceived attempt at messing with him is laughable. He laughs.]

Hey, you're gonna have to do better than that to really throw me off my game.

[sisterswitch]

Good enough for me, sweetie. Now, are you going to help us track down our missing shipmate or do you have your hands full with wrangling your child?

[if he's gonna be dense about the flirting thing, jack is absolutely going to keep insinuating that shaun is mammon's kiddo.]

[betterhavemammoney]

I don't have a child! I got Shaun and he ain't missin'!