eyemind | Who or what are you (and why am I the way I am?)

Who?: Mur and Richard Strand
What?: Richard has to confront a terrifying reality on the ship
When?: Monday-ish
Warnings?: Probably a lot of swearing. A lot of violence.
Notes: Rated T for teen

Richard Strand is troubled.

Alex is here, and Alex believes this place is good. Alex is a reasonable woman and it hurts him to think of her like this. Believing in this.

Still in it's own way it is pleasant to be here and he managed to acquire other clothing - a second suit, and a pair of jeans and a flannel shirt he has done his best not to let Alex see him in. He has never let his guard down around her. He can't. She thinks - or thought - that he had something to offer and here...

Being alone with his thoughts is difficult mostly because the longer he's here the more he has a headache. He dreams and it's like he's standing in a crowded room. It's a room full of whispering and he can't stand it because the longer he's here the worse it gets.

Case in point. Here he is in the cafeteria and the whispering is getting worse until -

There's something like a sun nearby.

It's blinding. No whispering just a gentle murmur and when he looks over there's that strange man that he saw earlier.

He blinks, and stares.

and blinks.

And stares.

He can't help it, staring at the man blankly while - awkwardly - holding a hand over his eyes like he's looking at the sun. As far as him - there is a loud sound of crashing waves roaring whenever looks at his mind.

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Coralee.

His mouth sets in a hard line, "...She wouldn't do that." He frowns, "I know it sounds trite but she wouldn't. She forgave me my sins and transgressions. And even if she did-"

Like with her affair when they first got together.

"It was ...hard to deal with me I was provocative." He gestures, "She wouldn't do that. If I believed in this sort of thing. Why are you so against her?"

Alex just stares at him with a look that very clearly asks: are you fucking kidding me? Because she honestly cannot believe what is coming out of his mouth at the moment and honestly it makes her want to scream. Thankfully (or perhaps not thankfully depending on what side you’re on) Alex wanting to scream at Richard Strand is definitely not a new emotion and she knows how to bite it down. Unfortunately it also means that Alex’s voice is more than a little bit bitey and sharp in return. “Were you so drunk that you forgot that I played you that recording that first night? Because you were the one who told me those things. Not me.”

"I-"

He had been drunk. Sticking his head in his hands suddenly, the air going out of him, his shoulders shake, "I do not get that drunk unless I'm really panic stricken."

Fuck.

"I was a very provocative child when it came to this topic. You can't blame me for being hesitant."

"I don't blame you for being hesitant about this, Dr. Strand." Alex reverts to using his full name because she wants to make sure that he'd actually meant that he wants her to call him 'Richard' considering he'd also said that when he was drunk. Everything seems suspect now, and she feels like she's done something wrong letting him get so drunk when she was trying to tell him something that was so important. Just because that was how he'd handled Coralee's betrayal (or rather her explaining just how much of a betrayal it had been back then) didn't mean that it's how the Richard Strand of two years ago would have handled it.

God, she's tired of not knowing where she stands where him, especially considering everything always seems to be one step forward and two steps back with Richard. Even back home it had been.

"I think you really need to listen to the show, Dr. Strand. All of it. Otherwise you're just going to keep being blindsided by this stuff, and I know that it's exhausting for me, and it must be exhausting for you too."

Exhausting for him. Yes.

"...Fine." He hesitates, "...Fine. I'm not unreasonable Alex Reagan. You might think I am."

Oh god. He could know if he so chose to know. Swallowing swear words his father beat out of him that he still used as a sign of rebellion he shakes his head, "But I'm not. There's nothing wrong with hesitancy. When I last saw you you were showing me how to edit music."

His lips pressed together, "It just seemed...useful."

“That’s the thing, Dr. Strand, I don’t think you were being unreasonable back then. But I do think you are now. It’s had to like reconcile the two different versions of you who I know, you know? It’s been a long time and a lot of stuff has happened since that moment in Jeff Wendt’s garage.” Alex lets out a soft sigh and closes her eyes for a second.

“I’m just not sure how to act around all of these bombshells that you don’t know.”

"Tell me about Coralee."

He pauses, "How was she? Did she look-" Did she look good? Was she happy? except she left him, not just left him but framed him for murder and hurt him deeply.

"Like the bitch she is?"

Complicated feelings are go.

For a moment, Alex doesn't know what to say. In her head, she can hear the conversation that she and this man (well, the later version of this man, anyway) had. Well, if it’s any consolation, I could tell she still loves you. Alex had said. And Strand had replied: It’s not. Somehow she doesn't think that's what he wants to hear at this point. It's hard, trying to gauge him when she doesn't know him nearly as well as she would given time and shared experience between them. So, she sighs softly, and then replies.

"She looked...kind of like a weapon, honestly. The way that she'd shown up in a squeal of brakes and told us to come in if we want to live. You told me to get into the van and introduced her. She didn't talk to me very much. I don't know what she said to you while the two of you were inside that bedroom exactly, but you came out to watch her go. I told you later that it looked like she still loved you, if it was any consolation and you told me that it wasn't. But she looked strong, and was clearly in charge of the people she was with."

Who or what are you (and why am I the way I am?)

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