eyemind | ship status + action

The frown on Mello's face tightens - he doesn't need to be schooled, thank you. Sure, opening random doors is fairly reckless, but does it matter? He's already dead.

"I can handle it." Mello steps fully inside the room and closes the door, then leans back into it, staring down at the floor for a moment while he collects his thoughts. He has so many questions for Matt - where to even begin. Still frowning, his gaze flicks up to his friend.

"How long have you been here?"

Oops. He knows that look and he knows not to mention too much more about it. "Didn't say you couldn't." Just so they were clear. Talking openly and very without filter around Near the other day had given him a small freedom he hadn't thought to cap around Mello just then. That thought is kept to himself.

"Uhhh..." Matt shrugs while he plops down into a seat, somewhere in his direct vision. "Couple days technically." Enjoy a raised finger indicating that he wants to finish something else in his statement and he continues. "I say technically, before you ask, because it's February here and I distinctly don't remember it being February."

Hmm ... it's an interesting distinction, but not entirely surprising. Why wouldn't there be a change in time to go along with the shift to another dimension? It doesn't really change anything, either - all that mattered was back home, and for Mello, it was already over.

Mello gives Matt a short nod to indicate his understanding. "What is the last thing you remember, from before you were brought here?"

Something was up. He couldn't put his finger on it but something definitely didn't feel right. Mello is normally calm and contemplative but just something about all this made him feel goosebumps under the stripes and leather over his hands and arms. "...Driving? I just left you from our break point after getting the cops on my tail. Heads up, though, I'm going to let them catch me when I get home if I'm not in a coma ward because my car's totalled. It'll buy you more time if they're focused on me."

Something is definitely up, something more than what's typically up when it comes to Mello, but Mello's not saying what it is, not immediately. Maybe not ever, if he's clever about it. If Matt's still alive - if Mello can make sure he stays alive - maybe he won't need to find out that Mello's dead and got him killed in the process. Mello planned for his own death but kept that detail from Matt, because there was no reason for Matt to die as well. He could go back to working with Near when it was all over, if he wanted - get back to his life, in a post-Kira world. Mello had no life to return to, so it wouldn't matter that he died while taking one of Kira's most powerful pieces off the board.

The instant Matt reveals his intention, Mello's entire demeanor snaps back to tense as a sharply coiled wire. "No." He shakes his head, gaze pinned on Matt as he steps forward to close the space between them. Is that how he died? He let himself be caught, to give me more time to get away? "No," he repeats, reaching to take his friend by the shoulder, to drive home just how serious he is about this. "You need to keep going - you can't stop, you can't let them take you in. Promise me, Matt."

There was no life without Mello. As much as Near and him got along much, much, much better than either of those two it had been Mello and Matt for as long as he could remember. Even if he knew there were times where Mello wasn't in his life, it didn't seem like he hadn't been.

None of it matters because the sharp 'No' has Matt's stance a little taller, one eyebrow raised and the other further down in a confused look. Mello's narratives about what he had to do were strict, but never this strict where he couldn't deviate when he knew it's for the betterment. Hidden somewhere behind his goggles, Matt's eyes can't let go of Mello's intense gaze catching and keeping his own. Despite that it's a confused look. The only moment he gives is a glance for that hand on his shoulder because he isn't entirely sure what to make of the 'no' to begin with.

Relaxing back in at least a bit, Matt hesitantly started up. "I don't think I can, Mello. I don't want to go to jail, but it's not a big deal. I get to the nearest computer, wipe my record and walk out a free man." His voice is a small façade of amusement, but it's a nervous one. Something that's trying to see what the fuss is. "Just lay low when all's said and done. I'll come get you as soon as I'm out." He lets his gloved hand move upward and gently set on the back of Mello's, pressing it there and searching Mello's expression. "I promise that, okay?"

Edited (shhhh) 2021-02-08 06:31 (UTC)

Mello’s expression is set hard with frustration and anxiety, a mask over the worry and guilt he feels for causing Matt’s death and the idea that he won’t be able to prevent it. Mello doesn’t like losing control of any given situation - the last time it happened, he sacrificed half of his face to pave a path for his escape. An acceptable loss. Matt’s life isn’t one.

“They won’t take you to jail - don’t you see? These are Kira’s people, enacting their chosen god’s will. You’ll be executed right away, maybe even on the spot.”

Matt’s hand over his is a warm, gentle weight. It doesn’t take much imagination to picture this same weight as cold and heavy, like a corpse, and it turns Mello’s stomach.

“I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you.”

Matt does seem to be thinking about what Mello is saying about executing him. He doesn't want that either. ...Though the clean up would certainly have need for them to stay even longer. He'd rather be there for Mello after.

All the things that Mello is saying had him more than furrowing his brow and looking up at the confusing sight of Mello right now. There is something sincerely wrong here and he can see it written all over everything. It didn't take someone as observant as Matt to know it, either. "Alright, you're acting really damn weird, Mello." His hand went from a weight on the back of Mello's to a gentle curl of fingers around the bulk of his hand. "Nothing's going to happen to me. We're going to figure this ship out, we're going to get home and I'll come pick you up like I said I would."

Sighing a soft breath, Matt stands up, still holding Mello's hand even if it's dropped a bit in height. "We got grabbed on an interstellar, sentient ship together. I think basically that means we're stuck with each other's company for a long, long time. Okay? Whatever it is you're torturing yourself about in your head right now, it's okay and we're okay."

“I’m not torturing myself,” he says, a little huffy, because he is, and he hates being called out for it. “I’m just a little keyed up, that’s all. This plan has to be timed perfectly.”

Mello hadn’t had time to process Matt’s death back home - it was too close to his own, and he had to focus on finishing the mission. Matt would’ve died for absolutely nothing if Mello hadn’t completed his stratagem, and that was something Mello couldn’t allow. Maybe he’d gone a little overboard with his words just now, but as long as Matt believed him that it was important to not be caught, that was fine with Mello. He’ll do whatever it takes to keep his friend alive.

He doesn’t fight Matt on holding his hand, strange as it feels. The intimacy of casual touch isn’t something he’s often enjoyed, but Mello is well practiced at reading people and giving them what they want. He gently rubs his thumb over the ridges of Matt’s knuckles, a silent expression of fondness.

“We’ll be OK,” he says with an affirming nod. They’re both smart and resourceful - and if this ship is lying, Mello has no doubt he’ll rip the walls between universes apart until he finds a way to send Matt home.

“We should stick together closely while we’re here. Safety in numbers.”

Mello is definitely torturing himself and Matt lets it drop for now. It's only going to upset him to hear it and he's said his peace on the matter. "Alright." is all he replies to try to calm him down about it. It doesn't mean he's got the possibility to do what Mello wants from him, but he'll do his best.

The movement over his gloves isn't lost on him and it garners his glance for mere seconds before he looks back to the successor's face. "What? You think because we're in some new place I'm going anywhere? Nah. You know where I live now, I can't hide." He offers a half smile before gently squeezing Mello's hand. "But. I should be up front. Even if I'm enjoying the reunion... They took Near too, he's stuck here also."

Mello had almost, almost begun to feel the smallest fraction of relaxed when Matt drops the news about his rival. Near. First yet again, it seems, and Mello instantly goes tense all over again.

"Near is here," he reiterates, eyes narrowed. "What did he tell you?"

Waiting for it never ever stops the tension from being obvious in Mello's frame any time Near gets mentioned. The hand holding Mello's gives it another squeeze gently and lets go, using that same side shoulder to shrug. With a quick wander or two over toward the view by the skylight, Matt sighed in a deep breath. He let half of it out before talking and looking upward at the starry scene he wouldn't ever get used to.

"Nothing much." No reason to hide that he talked to Near. "Whined about being here and that it meant an unfair advantage for you back home. Kinda hope it did. Kinda hope it didn't. It wouldn't be a clean win and I know better about clean wins."

Mello exhales a bitter puff of a laugh. Of course that’s what Near’s concerned about - Mello getting ahead in the race to end Kira. He must not know, Mello thinks, that the game is already over. So he too would be in the dark that Mello and Matt are dead. Best to keep it that way.

“As if that big-headed twit even knows what unfair is,” Mello mutters, sharply, arms now folded and fingers wrapped tightly around his biceps. Yeah, it was so unfair to Near that he’d inherited all of L’s resources instead of needing to build from the ground up like Mello.

Whatever. It doesn’t matter anymore, or so Mello tries to convince himself. The game is over; Mello lost and Near will win, and there’s nothing Mello can do to change that, even if he wanted to - and he doesn’t.

This is how it has to be.

Mello sighs, a small attempt at shaking off his irritation. “Is there anything else I should know?”

Matt has learned to let Mello go off about Near any way he needs to. Let the coping mechanism be a coping mechanism. Mello damn well earned it with how much that place fucked him over. Maybe not Near specifically, but he could see why Mello thought as much. Near really did get a leg up advantage that neither of them did, enough that Matt decided to exploit it enough on his way out, too.

"He's just like he always was." Like they all always were. None of them liked losing.

With a thoughtful sigh, Matt shrugged a shoulder. For someone who knew that Mello wanted information he was reluctant for a moment. "Just..." His eyes turned down a few moments, looking back up but not meeting Mello's own. "I guess just that I'm happy you're here. That's all I've really got." That was really all he cared about, actually. Neat that Near was here too, it meant all the people he grew up with that he gave a damn about in one place. Having Mello there, though, especially when he didn't think he was going to be was perfectly great by him. "I needed to sleep when I got here or I'd have more."

In hindsight, Mello realizes, maybe he’d been too hard on Matt for not paying attention to the surveillance; he’s all but apologizing now for not having more information to offer because he was sleeping, and that makes Mello’s stomach churn with guilt. Matt wasn’t competitive like Mello, and he didn’t have the same drive to be on top. If their paths hadn’t crossed again after Mello blew up his warehouse to make an escape, maybe Matt would’ve lived a semi-normal life. Mello wouldn’t know a normal life or a marginally healthy sleep schedule if one smacked him in the face.

It really wasn’t fair to drag Matt into all of this madness. It wasn’t fair to expect him to uproot his entire life and put himself in the line of fire to help Mello force Kira’s hand, and if he could do it all over again, Mello thinks, he would’ve insisted on fighting Kira himself and leaving Matt out of it. Mello was injured - weak - and God help him, he’d missed Matt. He missed their friendship, the stupid jokes, the easy way he could drop the masks he’d adopted over the years since he left the orphanage. He’d been selfish in wanting companionship, and it got Matt killed.

“Hey,” he says, softly, once again reaching for Matt’s shoulder, this time in reassurance. “You’re not on assignment here, and you don’t owe me anything. You’re not some kind of lackey - you’re my friend, and ... I’m glad you’re here, too.” Mello smiles faintly. “There’s no one I’d rather be stuck in some remote corner of space with.”

That’s ... a little more plainly and openly spoken than Mello’s usual manner, but it needs to be said. It’s the least Mello can do for his friend.

Even if Matt knew that he died, that he was destined to die, he wouldn't have changed a thing. It was his decision to get out, not Mello's and that would've been none of Mello's fault. Until Mello came back into his life, formally, he did nothing but feel empty, search for something to fill the void and be utterly miserable. It was nice putting his skills to use to do what he could, but Near wasn't who he wanted to be with and the other successor of their trio knew Matt wasn't there to help him. Not entirely.

Mello was who he wanted to be with, Mello was who he wanted to be around. If he died for Mello's cause that would be worth it for Matt personally. As long as Mello outlived him, that would be just fine.

The hand on his shoulder again, caused him to square a little more to Mello's own frame. He quieted down, 'hey' would do that to him but it wasn't because of 'hey', it was the tone of Mello's voice and the very different feel that his hand held on Matt's shoulder. He hadn't even considered that he just fell back into the routine of Mello needing him to do something before Mello even gave him an order. Matt's eyes took in every small feature change and the smile, light or brief or however long its life was, got noticed.

Matt found his mind wondering if you can kiss your homies goodnight without it being a sin. Or if it has to be goodnight at all. His body let his brain go on with whatever it wanted to think. That smile was something he wanted to feel for himself if only he could have gotten the balls to. 'Friend' had resonated in his head but friend wasn't, as it turned out, what his heart felt. It felt like it was going to beat out of his chest as he stepped forward. "Besides your friend—" Which he was. Just that he happened to be a friend who wanted to lean in closer. "—I'll do what I need to, to support you. You've never made me feel like a lackey." Matt's tongue drug just lightly along his own bottom lip. The things that Mello had made him feel like was that he was afraid and needy all at once. Now that he was older and understood why his earlier years were spent wanting to be so close to Mello, it made it all the harder when he warred with himself and instead pressed forward to settle his lips against Mello's lightly, briefly.

Whatever they were, Matt knew what he wanted and it was to be along side Mello here in the vast space, or back home in the thick of it.

Mello would argue that a kiss isn't a sin. Murder, yes, but he's already committed that one, and the bell can't be unrung. The biggest sin in the Book of Mello is losing, but he's already done that one, too. And maybe this is his punishment - a purgatory where he is forced to live with the awareness of his failures for much longer than he intended.

Whatever the nature of this reality, Matt is here and he's alive, and the whisper of a kiss he gives Mello is an even sharper reminder of the fact that he is alive now where he was dead before. Mello can sense Matt's move before he makes it, and he accepts the kiss willingly. He wants this: wants the warmth and adoration of close companionship, an end to the ache of loneliness; wants to be seen and understood the way that only Matt can see and understand him. He wants what Matt is offering him - a balm to heal the wounds carved into his heart - and he wants to stop obsessing over the fact that it's his fault Matt's dead.

Only one way to make all of that happen at once.

"I know," he murmurs, and leans in to kiss Matt a little more fully, a little longer, testing the boundaries of how much is allowed.

All of those sins, if left in Matt's hands, would've been put off on someone else's shoulders. Mello wasn't capable of them if he wasn't pushed to it, and they had been pushed hard. Now they were at a standstill so far from home, far enough to make sure that none of those things mattered. Not Wammy's, not past sins, just the acceptance of the lips he had aimed for. The simple acceptance was enough to make his heart thump double and out of beat for a frame or two, sighing contently before he heard the brevity of Mello's voice. A voice that brought two words to his ears and those two words were enough for him. This was ultimately what he wanted, too, Mello's acceptance to know that even if he tried to throw a stone at a proverbial deer, Matt wouldn't have left him once he found him.

The more solid a reply was Mello's lips finding his in a lingering, questing kiss. Just like Mello had, Matt accepted him. Had accepted the touch that pushed boundaries at the union of their mouths and every boundary thus far that Mello had pushed, Matt allowed. Everything felt electric and he only wished he had a little better practice at this if only to know that he actually could convey himself through this act. The slide of his gloved hand finds the back of Mello's head and his teeth find Mello's lips with soft nibbles when he wasn't taking advantage of the situation he had been offered. Matt wouldn't ever get tired of Mello's kiss and the elevated rise and fall of his chest had him claiming smaller, but no less eager kisses that give him time between to catch his breath.

For a long stretch of moments, everything falls into background static except for this cabin, Matt, and their deepening exchange of kisses and shared breaths. They fall into a rhythm of exploring touch, and for Mello, it's peaceful in a way he hasn't often been able to obtain. It feels like the most natural thing to be standing here liplocked, until a small part of Mello's traitorous brain whispers a reminder that he's dead, Matt is dead, and it's all his fault, and that fleeting sense of peaceful bliss sinks into the churning guilt settled in the pit of his stomach.

What a fucking mood killer.

Mello slowly pulls back from the last kiss and sighs. He has no right to enjoy this as much as he had been. Gently, he traces his thumb along the edge of Matt's jawline.

"I'm tired, Matt." Mello has been fighting for years, and it should all be over now, but it's not, and a wave of exhaustion hits him like a pile of bricks. Admitting this aloud is exposing a vulnerability, but Mello trusts Matt not to exploit it. "I'll stay here for a bit. OK?"

Matt knew from the way that Mello pulled back, something had changed. Either Mello's mood or something he had done. The gentle touch of a thumb on his jaw told him it wasn't something he had done. If it was his fault it wouldn't be a thumb at his jaw. Tired seemed reasonable as well and while Matt had a little more of a moment or two to catch his breath he set his forehead against Mello's to nod lightly. "Long as you want."

For the time being, he shifted so his hand was lightly resting above Mello's and leading them away from his face. He still squeezed them softly. "I'll keep watch. You get some rest."

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