eyemind | event } you can jive

Alex had been hopeful that Strand would have listened, and he would have gotten over the angry response he had to whatever he'd heard before she'd seen him. It's not cowardice, not really but it's definitely something that she'd wanted to avoid if she could. Fighting Strand is never something that's come easy to her (definitely not as easy as it comes to him honestly) but she suspects that the reason that the two of them have their worst fights (mostly) over the telephone is for a reason. After all, it's much easier for him to be an asshole to her over the phone than it is to actually see her in person if she tears up or whatnot. As much as Alex would like not to be so expressive in her voice and face, it's something that's not likely to change and she's well aware of that fact.

So, Alex just gives him a quick grin and a once over before she nods. "Sure, we can head back to the ship. At least then we'd have privacy." Which is a good thing because Alex knows how much Richard prefers to do things in some sort of privacy which is part of the reason that the show and what she'd exposed bothered him so. "But you should know, I'm not exactly carrying around a recorder here anymore." She gestures to the bag that she's carrying. "Not really a lot of room right now considering I was shopping." A gesture to the dress to go with the bad joke, but she turns in the direction of Navi. "Shall we?"

Are you...going to keep recording?

"That would be excellent." He hesitated, "I found several bottles of excellent alcohol and I bought a painting that I'd swear is from our world but I'll be able to pick it up later when..."

When I feel more comfortable. His ice blue eyes meet hers and he sighs, "When we've spoken. I listened to all of it. Every single piece and I have questions."

This may not be entirely pleasant.

"But I'm...I'm doing my best to not be angry. Because that was ...strange." Strange and upsetting, "...You really dug through my history." It's said with a soft chuckle as he puts his hands in his pockets, "...And it's nice to know that. Things have ended. In some ways."

As much as there's a part of Alex who definitely wants to lubricate the conversation that the two of them are going to have with the alcohol that Strand's purchased, she still remembers how bad it had been when the two of them had gotten drunk when he'd come aboard. Things had just been a whole hell of a lot of too much and she doesn't even know how much either of them remember of that night. So, she doesn't bring up the drink. However, the painting from their world (or at least the possibility of it anyway) could only be one kind: one done by Ilya Repin. The artist had already shown up three times in her show: The Empress, the one that Coralee had made Strand hide in an armoire in Moscow and the one that was hanging in the hallway of his father's house. When things kept coming up, there always tended to be a reasoning for it but given the grisly subject matter, Alex wasn't looking forward to actually seeing it.

Putting it to one side, and fighting the part of her that gets automatically defensive when Strand starts to criticize her--and no, Alex will not be unpacking that thank you-- she is well are that none of this is going to pleasant. Strand is someone who can be an asshole in the best of times, and this definitely not them. "I'll answer everything that I can." Which Alex means, but not in a way that might imply evasiveness: there are just answers that she doesn't have yet and that not even Simon does. She can only speak to the things that she's lived and that Alex knows.

Alex is trying to ask specific questions about what he means by that, because right now she's trying to not jump to the conclusion that the thing that has ended is Strand's marriage to Coralee. Indeed, Alex Reagan is actively trying to talk herself out of that conclusion, which is why she just offers a single word question that leaves space for him to fill in more about it: "yeah?"

He is falling asleep at his desk before he feels a hand on the back of his neck. Outside the snow is falling and Charlie is asleep and safe and he feels happy, or at least as happy as he can be.

"You need a haircut my love."

Raising his head he blinks, "When the snow stops. It'll be a priority."

"It will never be a priority." Her blonde hair was done up in a messy bun, wearing his college sweater and a plaid pair of pajama pants, "You will find a book in a used bookstore and I'll have to come looking for you."

"Is that so bad? You going and looking for me?"

This was always a source of tension. Something always changed discussing things like this. Her eyes would go dark with something, some wall he could never breach. She stroked his hair, "Nothing is forever Richard. You should know that better than anybody."

Why could they never just talk. Have loving conversations like normal couples, "You keep saying that. So I have to ask - are you happy Coralee? You keep bringing this up-" His peace was disturbed, "I am not going to argue with you-"

"Then don't."

"Why would you say something like that then?" He sounded panicked in his own ears, "Coralee I don't want this to end. I love you." he says it a lot, but she says it a handful of times and he has to think about how he earns them. How hard he has to work for every one.

"When things end they end Richard. That's just the way it is." At least she looks sad while she does it.

"I mean I can only assume that the end of speculation and confusion is at hand and the end of ...I don't know. The podcast? The Axis Mundi?"

Alex. I'd like you to meet Coralee.

"She wouldn't have come looking for me. Hearing that she was trying to contact me, was...a surprise." he shook his head, "An immense surprise. She's not given to frivolities."

He wanted to know the conversation they had. For once he found himself wishing that Alex had bugged him, hidden a recorder somewhere, buried it in his pocket.

"...I can believe she loved me. I can believe everything I heard. I can't believe that our paths would cross a second time after ...that." But the emotion is still raw and he clears his throat, "So. It is over. And so is this discussion."

The emotion in his throat is raw and real and he runs a hand over the back of his head, uncomfortably shifting his purchases, "...Can you help me with these please."

For a long moment, Alex just watches Strand, her mouth set in a small and sad frown. She remembers each time that Richard had used 'love' in the present tense when they'd talked about Coralee even after the meeting that the two of them had before in the bedroom that Alex herself wasn't privy too. God, she wishes that she'd had more than fourteen words from the woman herself on tape. They weren't even fourteen words: it was actually four words repeated into two sentences like she was in some sort of Bourne Identity scene where they were either kidnapped or saved and Alex still doesn't know which it was.

If it's any consolation, I could tell that she still loves you.

It's not, but thank you.

Letting out a little sigh, Alex just reaches out and takes a few of the bags that look lighter and throw them into the oversized bag that she's carrying. After a moment with the way it had been, she drags the strap of the bag across her body to make the weight easier to distribute. It seems so simple to share carrying the load of his purchases--if only it was so easy to share carrying the load of Coralee and the end of the world and everything else that Alex believes in. And now that Richard believes, she's not forgotten what both he and Simon had said, and Simon's promise to help Richard control his abilities. Not being an idiot, Alex knows he's doing it for her and she's still not sure how she feels about it.

But the words that he'd spoken still grate over her skin with a fancy spritz from the lemon twists that Strand sometime had with his tea. Letting out a scoff, Alex just quotes his own words back to him: "' I listened to all of it. Every single piece and I have questions.' That's literally what you just said to me. Why all of a sudden do you want to shut things down. It feels really" There's a pause as Alex searches for a word that is the least loaded of what she could say: "counterproductive, you know?"

Richard who experienced these things would want to keep going. Richard hearing it before it happens...

"Are you saying that I should keep digging? That we should keep digging, take on the Advocate, and ...save the world?"

He surprisingly doesn't sound skeptical. He just sounds confused and a little amused.

"Thank you for being kind about all of it." he hesitates, "I'm not...the easiest person to get along with." that's putting it mildly, "Confronted with all that information ahead of time I just-"

He stares at her, "I don't want anyone to get hurt Alex." He dodges a local, "Despite me being difficult I don't want you to get hurt. I've hurt enough people. I'm surprised you didn't uncover just how many people I've pissed off. I should go it alone because if something happened to you I'd never forgive myself."

Interpret that as you will.

"Yes." It's a simple and automatic response to his question. Yes, they keep digging. Yes, they take on the Advocate who is Thomas Warren. Which is something that Strand had suspected when he was in the worst parts of his Unabomber phase, but he'd been right then. And Alex had been right in all of the leaps of logic that she'd made and he'd complained about. "We keep digging." It's simple to say, because at this point it's a familiar and old hat and Alex is well aware of the fact that she was too deep into the middle of all of this to try and stop now. Given what she'd seen as a kid, it was probably always too late to try and stop it before she'd tripped and fallen into the center of things with Strand himself.

Honestly, Alex had been thinking a lot about it since her talk with Simon and it had given her a little bit of time and a lot of denial about what her relationship with the man before her was. Not being an idiot, Alex is well aware that she cares more than she should. She cares and it crosses every sort of personal and professional boundary that Alex Reagan has but if merely wanting to stop doesn't do anything. If one needed proof of that, all they need to do is look at Richard and his past with his wife. Both Alex and Richard had the strongest wills of anyone who she knew, and if they can't out logic or out emotion this than no one else can.

But she does frown for a moment when he says that. "You know that's what Warren wants, right? You running off on your own. We work better when we're a team, Richard. Last year..." and Jesus it definitely had been a year of them being terrible to one another when you added the time spent aboard Navi. "You were right about him being the Advocate and Coralee was right too. Simon says that he is. And that I figure out later that everything's connected: the Cenophus, Daeva, Glushka, the kids, Warren, all of it. It's all different parts of a whole and we'd been thinking of them separately. So there's at least that. And Simon was working on something back home that would help." Strangely, there's some reluctance in Alex to inform him of that, but she's going to think about that later.

"We keep digging. We stop what it is that Warren is planning to do using your genetics and the whole Mantle thing. We can't stop digging, Richard and after Maddie I know the stakes in this. Warren has spent an entire year messing with me personally and I didn't even have the fondest idea who he was even when he'd started doing it. He's been attempting to discredit me and make me seem insane. I don't know why he's laying these trails right now, but he's definitely doing it."

Shifting a little, Alex just squeezes the hand that she'd placed on him already. "I know you don't want to hurt me. Nothing is going to happen." Well, those words certainly seem familiar don't they, even if they had come from his mouth. "I'm definitely not letting you go alone, Richard. Eleven calls that first time; you know how determined I can be. I'll track you down if you even try to leave me behind, okay?"

He's not a stay-put sort of man. He flees. He leaves. He struggles. When she squeezes, so friendly, so kind his mind goes to Coralee and whatever she might have said and he feels alone.

And less alone. Somehow.

"You don't fit the clinical definition of insanity. I know that might not...be comforting...but I think I still...I don't practice but I'm qualified to discuss it in court."

Babbling like a child.

His blue eyes crinkle with emotion.

"...You're so stubborn." he chuckles lightly, "It's endearing."

Alex is taken back by that and she can't help but to laugh. "Really? I don't think you've ever called it that before. I'm pretty sure that you just thought I was a giant pain in the ass for it back home. But then again, we're both stubborn as hell in our own ways, aren't we? An unstoppable force and an unmovable object." That's the truth of it, isn't it? No matter what else they are at the end of the day, the two of them are forces of nature each their own. It's probably why they're both constantly at loggerheads and constantly drawn back together like they are.

Yeah, stumbling into the middle indeed.

"And I mean, the AA definition of insanity probably still qualifies though." It's a bad joke and Alex keeps it light as the two of them start walking towards the ship.

"So why are we breaking out the flannel again?" It's not a real question, just kind of lightly teasing as she gestures down at her dress. "I mean for the first time I'm actually really more dressed up than you are. I should note it on a calendar or something."

"You're really concerned with how I dress aren't you." He chuckles, "I'm not depressed-"

No. Not depressed. He does hesitate, "I wanted to...blend in with the locales without being directed to a few of the finer establishments quite yet." I wanted to feel normal and human would earn him a look of recrimination, have her asking questions.

"If you'd like I can go back to the ship and change into something more palatable. I have a very nice suit I got at our last port of call. We could go and have dinner at an upscale restaurant and pretend to excess."

For a moment, Alex almost stumbles in the heels that she doesn't normally wear and under the weight of what she's carrying. The weight that she's also physically carrying too honestly because at the moment Alex is dealing with the mental weight of: wait did Richard Strand just ask me out on a date or is this more like when we went out to dinner when we were working on the show? The temptation is there to answer with his own words of: 'I could eat' but he also did say 'pretend' didn't he? Jesus.

"While I'm definitely not opposed to dinner, Richard maybe we can order takeout and do it back on Navi? I'm sure that being around this many people definitely can't be easy for you. Could even end up putting on the very nice suit if you wanted to. I think most people are off doing stuff on the planet." Getting messed up because it's a good place to do it with.

Richard...looks relieved.

She knows him very well.

"...That would be lovely. I don't know if you have music but perhaps I could pick something up. Or we could just...talk."

Yes. His feet stop moving, "We could talk about something that's...not our apparent shared ...paranormal history." something normal. He needs normal.

Alex does know him pretty well, too well honestly if it had been as simple as him being the subject of her show. It had been her stepping over so many boundaries then but it doesn't really change anything that she does know what she knows now. Giving him a quick grin, Alex knows that he'd not really given her an answer. Or had he? Jesus this was complicated and if she thought that she'd picked up the bad habit of saying it too often from Nic that had nothing on how often she seemed to be feeling like it was nowadays.

A part of her wants to ask if it's a date, but Alex isn't willing to do that considering how little space there is for them to run away from one another. But not wanting to talk about the show meant that it wasn't just them going over the questions that he'd had, right? At least Alex thinks so.

"I have music. I grabbed some stuff a few planets ago when I found the show. It'd been what I was looking for actually. Do you have a preference for dinner. I'm sure this place has some kind of uber eats or whatever." The only cooking Alex Reagan knows how to do.

"Do you like Thai? Or an alien substitute?

He hates that he doesn't know these things, "The podcast ...was not particularly clear on what we share. I'd like to know."

Maybe he can pretend that the podcast doesn't exist. Shifting his purchases he looks down at her.

"It's a little unusual for me. That we're close but we don't know anything about each other. and I'd like to learn."

"I love Thai actually. There's this tiny hole in the wall place by my apartment. It's my favorite thing to eat that's not like... mac and cheese or something. Maybe when we're back in Seattle I'll get a random idea that I should bring it by on a trip to your father's house." Because Alex knows they don't remember their time being here when they're home, so in some ways this is almost like a time out that gives them a chance to reset. "Their Miang Kham is to die for honestly. And I swear when I'm sick it's a mix of their Tom Yum soup and Pho Ta that saves me. Thankfully my favorite Vietnamize place delivers." There's a brief pause for a moment, as Alex remembers something.

"I actually did bring you some of their Tom Yum when you were in Seattle. Before you'd moved into your father's house. You'd picked up some bug from the students in your seminar and I dropped it off at your hotel for you. You told me you liked it at least!" Because he was sick and Alex had just kind of left it at the door to his hotel room along with a whole bag full of cold medicine, tissues and the good tea he liked from the place by the studio.

"But I'm an open book and you can ask me whatever you want Richard."

You call your friend Dr. Strand?

Why yes, Dr. Pullman, I do.

Oh god.

"I apologize in advance even if I haven't experienced it yet." This is a big deal, "I dislike being sick immensely. The sort of person who'd burn down the world to stop a cold."

Oh.

He doesn't freeze, "...I'll start there. Have you ever been sick?"

"Oh, I know." Alex laughs softly, but it's gentle the light sort of teasing that had been a staple of their relationship before things had gotten so bad between them as it had become more apparent that Richard was lying and that Alex was going to find the things that he'd kept hidden. And of course that she was going to find his wife. "Your more...grumpy personality traits were well on display at that point." But it's clear that Alex didn't mind them. She'd showed up with soup and the things that he'd needed to take care of it, and then later on she didn't mention it.

Just like how Alex didn't mention it when she'd filled up Strand's medicine cabinet when he'd left it empty of basic things like advil and bandaids. Alex takes care of people, and even when Richard Strand is being a dick, she still does it anyway. It's just who she is.

"Of course I've been sick, Richard. I'm a person who has a sleep debt the size of the national one, and I work myself ragged. I get hit hard with colds and the flu every year, even though I always get my flu shot."

He laughs at that, a genuine laugh, "...And I'm sure you're just as prickly as I am. Where do we get the food?"

A person knocks into him then, nearly shifting his items. He glares after them for a heartbeat before he shakes his head, "...People seem...distracted here. considerably so."

"Well, this is a world of music, and back home we know the kind of thing that music can do. At least what people think it can do anyway." People like Alex Reagan, of course because she believes even when he doesn't. "So I guess it makes sense that they'd be distracted by all the songs in their heads and everything. But the overpowered booze and drugs might help with that too." Alex just gives Richard a casual shrug as well as an easy grin.

"Well, we can grab some stuff at the market or we can head back to the ship and use what we find and replace it. I know we wanted to get you away from how loud it is here." Alex reminds him carefully, and then makes the executive decision to continue walking towards the ship.

"I haven't...imbibed anything drug related since college. Being close to my partner was a powerful reminder of those previous experiences to be sure but alcohol has been my limit this though."

He gestures, "To the market. Do you this place has something resembling chicken?"

Edited 2021-07-26 02:25 (UTC)

"I've only smoked weed since college, honestly. With Nic as your best friend, it's kind of hard not to be around pot. But even then I haven't regularly done it since I was an intern. Even when Dr. Bernier suggested it to me I didn't do it that often. It made it too hard to work." Which Alex recognizes is the point, but it takes one workaholic to know one and she's under no illusions about either of them at this point. Besides, it didn't help her sleep either.

Now it kinda feels like Alex has some answers why even if she doesn't like it.

"Probably, I mean, I found other stuff. But I'm really thinking that ordering something togo is gonna be easier than heading back to the market. It was a lot for me, even." And Alex is an extrovert who isn't psychic.

"Then I'll follow your lead." He chuckles, "Even though I have absolutely no idea how something could be too much for you."

Given the circumstances he may as well share.

"When I was a younger man I was anxious to live outside of the...shackles I believed my father had impressed upon me as a youth. It should come as no shock with my history but I was quite a feature at university parties."

Following her back to the ship he rolls his eyes, "It was foolish and naive of me, but I wanted to distance myself from the man he thought I was."

Fat lot of good it did when he became him writ small.

"Well, I mean one doesn't normally expect the market to come with a cacophony of people singing in order to pay for everything with the normal market noise." Alex is a city girl, and she's someone who loves it most of the time, so she's used to a fair amount of noise. This is just a lot at moments, and she doesn't want to subject him to that when everything is so new and whatnot to him.

"Really?" Taken back about the parties, Alex just pauses and watches him for a moment, clearly thinking about it. On one hand, she does understand the urge and impulse to throw yourself into being a different person when you went off to college or whatever. Especially given what Alex knows and thinks about Howard Strand and what a complete failure of a parent he was (and she doesn't even know the worst of it yet) it makes sense. But this is also a man who repeatedly says he doesn't have friends.

"I never would have picked you for one," but it's coming with a teasing question: "were you in a frat?"

event } you can jive

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